Last week saw an momentous day for me.
It was the end of my ‘stay at home’ mum role. From September, both the children will be in full time education and I will know longer have split days. For the past 3 years, I have been able to work on the business either mornings or afternoons while the children have been at part-time playgroup or nursery. This meant stop/starting working, playing, cooking, bedtime before returning back to work in the evening.
This arrangement has led to a busy brain…too many things going round it at once. I feel like I have been a snappy mum at times because my brain is still full of nappy designs, customer orders from the morning slot and then going straight into being mum has been hard. I do wonder how my brain hasn’t exploded at times. I have been at the office and resented the fact that I have to stop work to go and collect the children, only to see them and feel enormously guilty.
I struggle with guilt all the time. All the time.
In September, I will be working full time.
I wonder what kind of mum I will be in September. I will be able to leave work at the office for the very first time.
Then go home and be mum.
I will be glad to have set working hours for the first time in four years and I am sure I going to be a better mum.