Category Archives: Family

We’re saving the children, aren’t we Mummy?

STCcrop-20160425085724456The advert for Save The Children has just been on.

The one where they say they are helping every last child.

It’s Saturday night after a tough day flying solo with tears, emotions and play dates.

I’m on my third glass of wine.

And the 399th time one of them has said Mummy today.

When the 400th ‘Mummy’ was ‘Mummy, we are saving the children aren’t we?’

Everything just crumbles.

Kids just have that ability.

To just break down any walls you have built up.

Any stress level that is combusting.

They can smash it down with seven words.

The power of seven words.

I’ve instilled kindness from a young age.

We sponsor Faraja from The Small Things orphanage.

We send money to children who have no water.

I’ve shared my new business idea with the children.

An idea which helps people here and overseas.

Mothers.

Mothers who can then help their children.

Kindness is everything and I’m going all in with that.

They are all in.

Starting a new business can induce wobbles.

Lots of them.

Then you hear your six year old tell you that we are going to save the children.

Then you know you are on the right track.

Especially when you are on that edge after a bad day.

That kind of bad day when the wine bottle looks good at 12.30pm.

I want the power of a six year old.

I’m going to harness that and go all in.

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You Are Really Something, You Just Don’t Know It…Yet

Untitled design (5)1235457_10152332522187927_5074654042514134462_nFor your first 15 months you had me all to yourself.

We didn’t sleep a lot.

The night times were dark times.

And not just because there was no sun.

But the days made up for that.

We played and played and played.

You loved animals. You still do.

We did everything together and never left each other’s sides.

Your cheery disposition has not faltered in 8 years.

Your beautiful, kind and upbeat nature makes you easy to mother.

And this I have taken for granted.

You never ask for my time.

You never ask me to play.

You busy yourself with your sports, nerf guns and Lego.

And the iPad.

Which I moan to you about.

But I have taken you for granted, my ‘easy’ child.

Because I have a demanding child who I give my attention to.

Today I realised how much you need me and I don’t give you my time.

I am busy all the time.

And not busy with you.

Your lack of confidence struck in many ways tonight.

You don’t have anything tangible that you are brilliant at.

Something that you can understand.

And tonight you showed that.

Just a simple thing watching Britain’s Got Talent.

You can’t do a front flip like your little sister.

And you started worrying about what your talents are.

Your brain is not big enough to understand your talents yet.

You are introverted and unsure.

We are so alike in so many ways.

We love the same things.

Travelling. Reading. Learning.

But know this.

2015-10-31 09.41.53-1My 8 year old best boy.

You are brilliant.

You are kind.

And you care.

This matters above everything.

I promise to build you up.

I don’t want you to waste away inside yourself with insecurities.

I won’t let that happen.

As it happened to me.

You will be someone.

Someone who cares.

Someone who makes a difference.

I can feel it in our bones.

We have the same bones.

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The Black Hole of Motherhood

When I became a mum, I was full of questions for my mum.

What age did I sit up, roll over, sleep through for the first time?

I remember being stunned when my mum said she couldn’t remember.

How could you forget all these things?

I’m now into my 8th year of being a mum and I can barely remember their birth weights.

Thank heavens for baby records.

If you remember to write in them.

This memory loss has in the past made me feel bad but I think it is natures way.

Let me digress.

I had my children really close together – they are 16 months apart.

They both didn’t get the sleeping through memo and I was awake for what felt like 3 years solidly.

It was so so hard.

I was a stay at home mum with a business too.

Staying at home with children was never something I planned and was the hardest thing I will ever do.

I kind of remember it feeling like a really dark time and wanting to walk out of the house and never come back on the really bad days.

But the magic of mother nature is painting over that now.

I look at photos and all I see is happiness.

I can barely remember the bad days and how I felt.

So I am glad I can’t remember what time of day it was when they took their first steps or what their favourite food was.

I just know I was there every day to catch them when they fell, wipe their messy faces and cuddle them to sleep.

That’s all the memories I need.

Happy Days

Happy Days

 

 

7 Years

7 years.

With you, my boy.

I try hard not to focus about how your childhood is whizzing past.

But as your birthday comes around, I can’t help but feel emotional.

You are growing up.

Your soul gets more beautiful every day.

As a baby, you taught me that I had to be brave and come out of my shell.

When you were a pre-schooler, you showed me that smiles and laughter were the only things we needed.

Now, you are teaching me to look at the world with your eyes.

You are so full of wonder and innocence.

Your kindness and patience stops me in my tracks sometimes.

You have this extraordinary thirst for knowledge and experience.

You makes me so proud to be your Mummy.

Just recently, you said to me “Mummy, by the time I am a big boy, I want to have adventured the world”

And that is what we are going to do.

I didn’t need much inspiration to work hard but I now have some rocket fuel to keep me going.

We will adventure the world.

I will help to open your eyes to the world.

The way you help open mine to the way life should be lived.

 

Seth 7

 

 

 

Wobbly Tooth…Wobbly Mummy

The tooth fairy is on her way.

We have finally made her list.

My boy has a wobbly tooth.

His face when he came out of school was bursting.

I thought he had done something exciting and couldn’t wait to tell me.

He had a wobbly tooth.

And bam, I was wobbling.

I didn’t expect to feel like that.

He was my baby five minutes ago.

We waited ages for that first tooth to come through.

Why? What was the hurry?

Things were slower back then.

Days filled with baby groups, learning new skills and trying new food.

I remember days when they seemed to drag because they were so testing.

Wondering how I was going to get through the day.

Because my boy had been up all night teething.

I’d love those slow days to come back.

Life is on fast forward now.

Permanently.

Breakfast, school, tea, homework, bed.

And repeat.

Everything feels in a rush.

Weekends are filled with parties, football and gymnastics.

I want a slow day of drinking in my boy.

So Little Miss Tooth Fairy.

When you come, you are not leaving any money.

You are bringing a voucher.

A Do What You Want Day voucher.

For me and my boy.

And now I can’t wait for that tooth to come out.

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A summer of making memories

On July 29th 2014 I made a pact with myself.

Just before I did the final school run of the summer.

I was going to enjoy time with the children in the summer holidays.

I wasn’t going to be stressed.

I wasn’t going to juggle the children and the business at the same time.

I didn’t hold out much hope.

Not if the past few years were anything to go by.

It is usually a muddle of fitting in work and packing orders around park trips and questions.

It was always so stressful.

Too stressful.

Especially when the children came to ‘help’ me pack orders.

But it couldn’t have been more different this summer.

I purposely did no work when I was with the children. 

Planned full days of them being with grandparents so I could get my work done.

It’s been heaven.

We have played and played and played.

Visited friends, gone to play areas, had picnics at the park.

We have laughed until we have cried.

Made cakes, painted faces and learnt to ride bikes.

Built sandcastles and played rounders on the beach.

A summer fun of memories.

Instead of a summer full of stress.

We put out out the school uniform for tomorrow.

Then we had a team hug tonight so say thanks to each other for the fun.

Then I heard a little sob from the top bunk.

The boy said he was feeling very sad.

He didn’t want to go to school because he loves me so much.

And again this morning before school.

When I couldn’t hold in the tears either.

So we made a pact.

To make every summer better than the one before.

Making memories is the best part of being a parent.

Bar none.

Summer holiday fun

Summer holiday fun

 

It’s Only A Buggy…

…said my husband as he took the last ‘baby’ thing we owned to the charity shop.

It was only a buggy.

But it was confirmation that I would never push a buggy again.

Not that I want to really.

But that is not the point.

It was like a million memories of both the guys in that pushchair just flooded into my brain at once.

Awash with sentimentality now.

I used to be sad when they moved up a clothes size when they were babies.

Going from 9-12m to 12-18m felt like the worse jump.

From baby to toddler.

I have to try hard to fight that now and enjoy every single moment I share with them.

It’s so hard at this time of year though.

July brings the close of a school year and saying goodbye to their teachers.

School years whizz by so quick.

July is when it all comes to a head that they are growing and changing.

Brings a lump to my throat.

My beautiful niece leaves her primary school tomorrow.

I’m sure last time I looked she was only 8.

But as I tell myself all the time.

The only way to slow down the clock is to enjoy every single second you can with them.

So I have just decided.

We are going to write a summer holiday bucket list together.

And do as many of them as we can.

Making memories to keep forever.

You can’t take them to the charity shop.

It was only a buggy.

 

 

Looking Back

I attended a baby event today with other baby advisory companies.

It was called Life After Birth.

It was all about the things you need help with after birth.

It took me right back to my beginnings of being a mum.

I wasn’t expecting to be so emotional today.

I was just there to show parents why I think they should use cloth nappies.

Lisa from Daisy Birthing did a talk about positive birthing.

Claire from Baby Calm did a talk about how your baby is meant to be close to you.

Kat from Sale Sling Library did a talk about slings and how much of a positive impact they have on parenting.

It made me think about the birth of my first child.

I had pre-eclampsia, so I was induced as I we were in danger.

I wasn’t stressed though, so I think it went as well as it could be

But being a new mum was so far from what it would be.

My baby wouldn’t settle.

He didn’t like his pram.

He didn’t like his moses basket.

He didn’t like car seat.

I know now that he wasn’t designed to like them.

He was designed to me as close to me as possible.

He is 6 now and still likes to be attached to me.

When Kat talked about the importance of slings.

I felt sad.

I wished I had used one with the boy.

It would have saved my sanity.

It would have made my boy happier.

So many regrets.

Well maybe not regrets, just wish I knew better moments.

I actually makes me broody.

I want to do it all again, just so I can do it right.

It’s not going to happen though.

The fella said I can get a dog instead.

My Children Make Me Brave

I went to a high school to be interviewed by pupils today.

It is National Careers Week and I was invited along by Naomi from Enterprise Lab.

There was a social media newsroom set up and I was interviewed by the You Tube team.

I was pretty nervous as I had no idea what I was going to be asked.

There was a girl who was going to interview me along with 3 other pupils.

She looked petrified.

It was like looking at me when I was her age.

I was painfully shy and my lack of confidence was crippling.

I told her I was more nervous than her but it didn’t help.

Like it wouldn’t have helped me.

Looking at her made me realise how far I have come.

Since I was that shy schoolgirl.

My children made me brave.

You can’t be shy when you have to speak up for your little babies.

I left my comfort zone to take them to baby groups.

You have to face new situations all the time when you become a mum.

I need them to be brave and confident.

I need to be everything I want them to be.

I make sure I do things that scare me all the time.

In my business Baba+Boo.

And outside of that too.

I showed the children the video interview I did today.

Boo was concerned about why there was only one girl and three boys interviewing me.

The boy cried.

He was proud.

He didn’t know how to tell me that though.

It was a new emotion for him to understand.

He said he was happy I was talking to the school children.

He said he was happy I was his Mummy.

I made him proud for the first time.

It’s come full circle.

They gave me my confidence.

My children.

Thank you for making me brave.

Every day.

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How can I help you little girl? I’m all yours…

You have found it tough recently.

I’m not completely sure why.

Is it because your brother has had birthday attention?

Is it because Mummy has been really busy at work?

Is it because life hasn’t been in the order you are used to?

I know you need order.

You need it so desperately.

You have started being so demanding again.

After months of you being patient and seeming happier.

You are so competitive with your brother, especially over me.

You are shouting at us all.

You are whinging all the time, saying you are in pain.

Either you arm hurts. Or your leg. Or your throat.

But I don’t think they do.

Something is not computing in your little brain.

You just don’t know how to tell me what it is.

I think you need some one on one attention.

I’m going to try that for starters.

So tomorrow, I’m all yours.

We can do whatever you want and I am not going to say no.

I’m not going to say ‘in a minute’.

I’m going to say ok.

You are a complex little thing.

So unlike your brother, who is easy going and will do whatever to go with the flow.

Your flow is so much different and I need to take the time out to work out where you want to go.

Life is so busy and I am so sorry for not helping you make sense of the world.

I forget you need more help sometimes.

You are so like me.

You need things to be tidy, neat and ordered.

You need to know what comes next and get stressed when things are not happening like you think they should.

I become irritated when you whinge and even more so when you are mean to your brother.

You get my attention by doing naughty things.

But I shout.

Then hate myself for it.

That’s not what either of us need.

It’s a vicious circle.

But tomorrow I will break it little girl.

I promise.

No more tears and no more sad faces.

From either of us.

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